Gift Expectations - Tactfully write your thank you notes.

Recently this article exploded all over the wedding-internet: 

Wedding gift spat spirals out of control after bride demands to see receipt

To sum it up, a bride was quite upset over receiving a basket full of edible goodies from a guest, called them out on it, explaining that she expected at least a $200 cash gift from them. A horrific email exchange ensues. 

This brings up a a great discussion- Gift Expectations. In some cultures it is quite customary to expect cash. However, in American culture a couple can expect a range of gifts from their registry, envelopes or cash, or unique trinkets guests feel compelled to give. Now in this instance the bride was Croatian and the guest Italian. Now myself, I actually come from an Italian/Croatian mixed family and I can say no one ever mentioned to my my wedding was a money making opportunity. 

The bride states in one email to her guest: "Weddings are to make money for your future … not to pay for peoples meals." I think she missed the point of the wedding.  She should have taken the money for her wedding and invested it if she wanted a good ROI.  A wedding is a celebration of your union, not a business opportunity.  It can be quite difficult to look at paying $80 per guest at your wedding, but you need to be comfortable spending that money know your only getting their company and support in return.  If you can't afford to have everyone at your wedding, cut the guest list. 

Now, there is another part to this madness: The bride was clearly upset with her gift, and she told the guest: "You should have been cut from the list … I knew we were gunna get a bag of peanuts" OK this email exchange is getting ugly. You have to face it, when you have a wedding, and registry for all kinds of lovely gifts some guests are still going to give you gifts THEY want to give. At my wedding I received many gifts that I did not register for- Paintings of Monkeys, Sand Art, Tropical Towels..Etc. However, I was a grateful bride and never told the guests about how their gifts missed the mark.

A rule of etiquette that should be mentioned- is NEVER tell the guests that you are dissatisfied with their gift choice. Now come time to write your thank you notes you may think "How am I going to write a thoughtful note over a gift I hate?" use this template:

Dear _______,

Thank you so much for the {Insert terrible gift description here} . We were delighted to receive such a unique gift and we appreciate your thought fullness in picking out something that you knew we would enjoy. We were so happy to see you at the wedding, we hope to see you again soon.

Thank you so much,