You've called off your wedding, now what?

Sometimes it happens, during the wedding planning you realizes it's just not going to work out. It can be a very difficult decision to halt everything. But in the end, it's better to know it's time to end, than to go forward with the wedding knowing you'll end if afterwards. Just remember it's OK to end the relationship if it's not working. You may receive a backlash from some family members, but remember, it's your life and if it's not feeling right, you have the power to call off the wedding.

No one wants to tell their wedding guests it's off, but you have to. Here is a guide for how to call off the wedding with as much grace as possible.

If you've sent out Invitations or Save the Dates.
You'll want to send out an email or small cards to all your invited guests-

Dear _______,
We write to regrettably inform you that the wedding of Sally May Smith and Johnathan Richardson will no longer be taken place. 

If the wedding is only a few weeks away and there is no time to mail a card to your guests.
You'll  still want to send an email out to all your guests, however you'll need to call everyone to make sure they know. Break up the phone list and ask for help from your family and/or friends. The call does not have to be long, just a simple "I'm calling to let you know, regrettably the wedding of  Sally and Jonathan has been called off. We sent out an email but we wanted to make sure you were aware"

If it's the day of the wedding
Take a deep breath. If you have your wedding dress on, take it off, put on comfortable clothes. You're going to need your family/friends today. Ask them to go to the ceremony site and let guests know the wedding will not be taking place today and that it has been cancelled. If all your family is in town, have a designated restaurant or cafe for them to meet at instead of the ceremony/reception location. They will still want to visit with each other.

A few days after the wedding you'll want to send out an email and or cards stating:

Dear _______,
We write to regrettably inform you that the wedding of Sally May Smith and Johnathan Richardson was called off last Saturday. We apologizes for the last minute change and all gifts that were sent early will be returned. We thank you for your support.

If you've called it off soon after the wedding takes place.
This one can be hard. You've come down from the wedding mania only to discover a mistake has been made. You two are not compatible and it's not going to work out.  You don't need to send out an email to every single guest, but it you've been married for under 3 months you should return your wedding gifts.
With a note attached to the gift:

Dear _______,
We thank you so much for attending the weeding of of Sally and Jonathan. Regrettably it has not worked out and we are returning the lovely gift you sent us. We thank you for your love and support.

Remember, calling off a wedding can be one of the most difficult decisions you'll ever have to make. It takes a strong person to realized it's not working and it's not going to get better. Reach out to your family and friends for support during this time.

Pink Wedding Bells - Wedding Picks

Black and White Inspirations from the Etsy Wedding Team

'Black white and shades of gray wedding' by MondeDesign

Black, white, and gray wedding details from Etsy Wedding Team.

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Pocket Knives for Groomsmen

Pocket knives are a big hit for groomsmen gifts. While attending a wedding last month my husband - the Best Man- received one. With delight the groomsmen started playing with their newly acquired weapons. I was told it only took 3 minutes for my husband to cut himself.  Lesson learned grooms- give the knives AFTER the wedding.

My husband can be seen in the back holding his friend hostage.

Photo by: https://www.facebook.com/Zpodell

Do I HAVE to invite her to my wedding?

Every family has their own landmines and complex political structures. Every couple has a different relationship with their family and chooses to go along with the politics or not. But sometimes all this causes stress when you feel pressured to invite someone to your wedding that you REALLY don't want to be there.

For my wedding a certain relative always talked down to me, was verbally abusive and just plain mean. I knew if I saw her on my wedding day she'd just say something snarky like "You could have lost more weight to fit into that dress". But NOT inviting her would make it into this big dramatic thing, so full of wrath that it would become bigger than my wedding. I wish I had the strength no not care, but I did.

Almost every friend who has gotten married has confided in me there was someone at their wedding they felt pressured to invite but loathed to see. The advice I always give it- It's you wedding and in the end you can invite or not invite whom ever you want. But remember, NOT inviting someone can make your wedding all about the exclusion of that relative. For years to come it will be the wedding where "So-and-So" was no invited. If you are fine with that, but all means don't invite them.

However, if you don't want to deal with the drama overshadowing your big day here are a few tips and tricks:
1) Seat them in the back where you will have minimal contact with them.
2) Assign another family member or friend to keep them occupied and away from you
3) Give the unwanted guest a task to keep the busy
4) If you are worried about the guest drinking too much try and limit their intake- limit 2 glasses per guest, or have a dry wedding. Or point them in the direction on the nearest hotel bar and make sure they have a sober designated driver to get home.

What to do when RSVPs are NOT returned on time

You've diligently send out your invitations on time and clearly marked the RSVP due date. As that date nears RSVPs are still not returned. What to do? Don't panic, wait until the weekend after the RSVP Due date has passed to take action. Sometimes people put RSVP's off to the side with good intentions of sending them back, but as the weeks go on it gets buried under bills and memos.

Start by looking at your guests list and see who's RSVP card is still missing.
Break up the list into two parts- bride's guests and groom's guests. Make an email/call list and contact the guests directly.

You can send them email below:

Dear _______,

I hope all is well. {Fiances name} and I are looking forward to our wedding in a few weeks and we are hoping that you and  {Guest/Family name} can make it. We did not receive an RSVP card from you so I wanted to touch base and see if you are able to attend and what your meal choices are. {Or insert any other requested information}. We can't wait to celebrate with everyone.

If you have an illusive guest try another email, or contacting someone who is close with them.

Dear _______,

I hope all is well. I wanted to check to see if you received my email on  {Insert date}. {Finance name} and I are very excited for our wedding day and we need to have a final count to our caterer by {Insert date}. Please let us know if you can make it, as we would love to see you.

If the guest still is unable to respond, consider your options- are they likely to attend? Do they not check their email or phone? If they live close by can someone stop by their home after work hours one evening? Stop by with some baked goods. Maybe they are unsure if they can attend and are not getting back to you because they don't have an answer themselves.

Remember, people who RSVP'd might not make it at the last minute, and a few who thought they could not make it will turn up at the last minute. Hopefully it evens out, but have a contingency plan in case 1 or 2 extra people show up.

Western Wedding Ideas

Get out your cowgirl boots and wedding dress and head on down to the bard for a Rootin' Tootin' good time. Check out these Etsy Picks for your country girl wedding.

'Western Wedding' by BangupBetty

Inspired by my sweet sister.

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