Tuesday, May 17, 2016
Getting married is exciting, and your loved ones want to help you celebrate by brining gifts to your bridal shower and wedding ceremony. Registering for gifts can be very fun. Finally a chance to get that mixer or drill you’ve been wanting. But how to you tactfully make a list and let your guests know? Below are some tips to help you and your fiancé.
MAKING THE REGISTRY:
As much fun as it may be to add a giant screen TV and $200 mixer to your registry keep in mind your guests will have a wide variety in budget. They may all love you, but your old college roommate may be tight on cash and can’t spend more than $25 on your wedding.
Mix it up, you should have a mix of budget items around $20-$25 on your registry, some $50-80 items and only a few items over $100 for those close parents and loved ones that want to splurge on you.
Register at minimum 2 places. Not everyone can make it to Macy’s or Crate and Barrel. Diversify your choices to make it easier for guests to purchase your gifts. Make sure gifts can be purchased online too. Many of your guests work 9-5 jobs while juggling children, purchasing a pre-wrapped gift from Target.com makes their life easier.
Check your lists after your bridal shower and as the wedding approaches. If all your lower end items have been purchased leaving only $75 and up, go back and add in some budget items for those last minute shoppers.
WHAT HAPPENS IF WE ONLY NEED CASH?
Maybe you’ve been living together for a while, you’ve set up a wonderful home and you don’t really need anything new. But the roof really needs replacing? Or you want everyone to pitch in for a wonderful honeymoon.
Asking for cash directly can appear rude to some of your guests. But there are some tactful ways to go about it.
The www.honeyfund.com website allows your guests to easily contribute to your Honeymoon fund. It’s fun for your guests and they feel like they’re contributing to something big for you two.
If you want just cash for home improvement or to pay off the car it gets a little tricky. Yes you need the cash, but people want to celebrate by getting you something fun. Car payments and roof repairs are not (but necessary in life- more than a new set of knives sometime). Don’t just ask “Instead of gifts we really need the cash to pay off the auto insurance this month” but set up an online account and on a small card state “We’re honored for your presence at your w
edding and that’s all we ask. If you wish to contribute to our future wishing well we’ve set up an account at: _________________” .
WAYS TO ASK FOR CASH:
“MAKE A WISH: Your presence at our wedding is present enough. But if you want to help add to our future we’ve set up a wishing well fund at www.__________.com please write us a wish along with your gift. ”
“We’re honored for your presence at your wedding and that’s all we ask. If you wish to contribute to our future Wishing Well we’ve set up an account at: _________________” .
“You’re love and support at our wedding is all we ask. We’re honored to have you in our lives. If you wish to contribute to our future we’ve set up a Wishing Well at www.______.com .”
“Our life together has already begun, we have almost everything under the sun. We’re honored for your presence at your wedding day, but if you want to send a wish our way. We’ve set up a wishing well together at www.________.com . We’re excited to start our life-long adventure.”
Remember asking for cash contributions will seem rude to some guests, no matter how polite you are about wording it. But you can’t please everyone. You know your guests better than anyone. Maybe for those that would be offended leave out mentioning the cash.
LETTING YOUR GUESTS KNOW:
You’ve made your registry, Great! Now to let everyone know. If you’re having a bridal shower it’s appropriate to include the registry info on the Bridal Shower invitation. Or you can add in a separate insert card with the shower invitations. Gifts at a bridal shower are expected so don’t be shy here.
If you’ve made a wedding website you’ll need to have a page dedicated to your registry information. Here is also a great place to add info if you want everyone to pitch in for a honeymoon or future wishing well fund.
DO NOT put the registry info along with the wedding invitation. Even in 2016 it’s considered inappropriate by most people to suggest anything about gifts on the wedding invitation. It is definitely encourages to add on your wedding website at the bottom of your invitation, and guests can find their own way to your registry page there. Simply add on your website at the very bottom “For more information please visit: www.ourwedding2016.com”
If you’re wedding invitation package includes a map, information card, hotel info and 5 other insert cards you can sneak in the registry on one of the info cards, but DO NOT put it on the invitation itself.
If you wedding envelope ONLY includes the invitation and RSVP skip the registry information.
REMEMBER: Even though you’ve got a website with your registry information, your mother telling everyone where you’re registered and it went out with the bridal shower invitations. People are still going to ask where you’ve registered.
How to word your registry:
For the bridal shower invitations keep it simple.
“BRIDES NAME is registered at Macy’s Home an Amazon.com”
For the insert card or website, keep it simple too:
“Your presence and support is all ask. However for those seeking gift suggestions, we have registered at Macy’s Home an Amazon.com . Your gift will help make our new house a home!”
“A registry has been set up at Macy’s Home an Amazon.com”
“BRIDE NAME and GROOM NAME have set up registries at Macy’s Home an Amazon.com”
“The Happy Couple is registered at Macy’s Home an Amazon.com”
GETTING THE GIFTS:
At your bridal shower and post-wedding gift opening have a friend or relative write down the gifts and the name of gift-giver to help you remember later who gave you what so you can write your thank you notes. Stay on top of your thank you notes, send them out no longer than 60 days after your wedding. Write them right away when you get back from your wedding or honeymoon.
No matter how clear you were about the registry or the real need for cash some guests will give you a gift they wanted to give you. And no amount of reasoning can stop them. Your loved ones want to celebrate your marriage, and sometimes they feel a painting of monkeys or a sterling silver wine bucket (even though you both don’t drink) is exactly what you two need.
Take the gifts smiling, a wedding isn’t about getting money or all your dream housewares. It’s about spending the rest of your lives together and celebrating with the people you love.
If you’ve gotten two of the same items simply return one to the store and purchase one of the items you didn’t get off your registry. Don’t mention it to your guests, simple thank both of them for the item they originally gave you.
If you’re given a gift you didn’t want- say that awful monkey oil painting from Uncle Fred. Keep it, while the painting may be hideous, it was given to you with love. If you try to return it to Uncle Fred he’ll be hurt. Simply tuck it away in the back closet and pull it out when he visits. The joys of family.
It happens rarely, but if your marriage turned out not to be what you thought and it dissolves in under 6 months, you should return the gifts to your guests.
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